Sixteen Years
by Solita
Summary: In a fairytale, every character is given a happily-ever-after. But not every fairytale reaches that certain ideal. (Inu/Kag; first POV; songfic).


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
_// I'm leaving now  
Sixteen years and comes to this  
Parting lines and a final kiss //_  
  
  
         She was leaving.  
  
         That was her decision.  
  
         She was... leaving... for... good.  
  
         I don't think my mind will let me sink this information in easily.  
  
         After all we went through, she makes the decision to just pack up her little bags, wave all of us a hearty goodbye, flash us a smile we'll never forget, and down the well she goes, leaving behind everything she went through for the past...  
  
         The past...  
  
         That's where my head has been the entire time, hasn't it? About Kikyo. About our love. About Naraku. Everything in the past. That's who I am. A figment of the past.  
  
         How long had we been together? It seems that I've forgotten as well. But I don't want to forget everything. All the troubles. All the adventures. All... all about her. I can't, and I won't.  
  
         My mind tells me different, though. I am the past, she is the future. We can never be hand-in-hand. It is... it is... highly impossible. And unlikely. Very, very unlikely.  
  
         And my heart will always rebel against that very idea.  
  
  
_//Your hands are shaking  
A cab waits in the rain //_  
  
  
         Look. It's raining now. The gods are crying for me.  
  
         Maybe for her?  
  
         Highly unlikely.  
  
         She, such a beautiful goddess, is going home. To the time she belongs in. She deserves to belong in. She doesn't need me. She loves me, I'm sure of it, but she doesn't need me.  
  
         And I? I love, need, and want her. She loves me, but does she want me? Need me?  
  
         Love, want and need are three very different things.  
  
         I can safely assume she only has one out of the three.  
  
         I'm shaking. I don't want to. The others will look at me, ponder at me, ask me questions, pester me until I break and shower my love and want and need and devotion and everything I ever dreamt about to the lovely incarnated goddess about to leave in front of my very eyes.  
  
         They're looking at me. Shit.  
  
  
_// Now I've never felt more alone  
I can't believe that these days are gone //_  
  
  
         Miroku. Asking questions. Stupid perverted monk.  
  
         Sango. Wandering eyes searching for a truth or a solution. Idiotic demon exterminator. She should have killed me when she had the fucking chance.  
  
         Shippo. Guileless and inquisitive. Pestering me. I want to kick the little fox demon, but it would absolutely rise anger within my goddess.  
  
         Myouga, the sniffling little flea. He is even questioning my bodily actions as well. How I want to squash him.  
  
         At least Kirara does not give me at glance of pondering. She has always been grateful and understanding. She's so wise and poised, I am grateful for all she has done. Sometimes I wonder if she is the same way. Kikyo was... and wasn't in a way.  
  
         She is the perfection of the imperfection.  
  
         I don't know if she knows that or not.  
  
  
_// After all that we've begun  
You say you'll be there  
I just have to call //_  
  
  
         Oh how fucking wonderful! Even she's looking at me!  
  
         She's wondering, she's asking, and she's staring at me. I can't look eye to eye with her. I fall to pieces like a fragile china vase, priceless in its beauty but the cost unimaginable, the shards of the illuminating essence broken and shattered and lost.  
  
         How I want the rain to stop.   
  
         How I want it to just go away and never return.  
  
         Or if it wants to be useful -- how I want it to drown me and my sorrows.  
  
         My legs are stiff. My arms are stiff. My whole body is like a piece of wood.  
  
         Or steel.  
  
         Like a sturdy rock, I will not be moved from my current position. I am leaning against a leafless willow tree, which I wish right now had the lurking branches hiding my tears and my despair and my love for the woman leaving me all alone in a world like this. My arms are hanging loosely on the sides of my body, and my head is hung, strands of my silver moonlight hair covering my heartbroken face.  
  
         The rain is doing one good thing. It's hiding away my tears.  
  
  
_// Must you choose between   
Me and all your dreams  
When you can be free right here with me //_  
  
  
         How I long to make her mine. To hold her in my arms and whisper her name as gentle as a summer breeze.  
  
         Heh. I'm such an idiot. I should be calling myself a moron.  
  
         She's very close to me now. She's right in front of my face. If I wasn't so depressed right now, I'd blush.  
  
         Her hands run over my face as she's trying to move away the strands of hair and look into my eyes. I'm at least able to jerk away slowly from her grasp, looking away in another direction. I don't have the nerve right now to look at her. I just don't.  
  
         She might, but I don't.  
  
         I just lost Kikyo. I just lost my brother. And now I was going to lose my only love.  
  
         I didn't have the nerve to lose a third thing I treasured. I didn't.  
  
         I don't. Not didn't. I don't.  
  
         I can't look at her. It'll confirm that she really is leaving.   
  
         I can't look...  
  
         ... and I won't!  
  
  
_// Those sixteen years  
Don't they mean anything to you  
How can you leave  
With so much to loose //_  
  
  
         I ran away.  
  
         I ran away from her.  
  
         I ran away from everything.  
  
         She probably left now. She's probably gone. Left for home. Her own time. Leaving all of us behind. Leaving the past behind. Leaving me...  
  
         Feh. As if she ever did care for me.  
  
         Wait, she did. I know she did. I'm lying to myself.  
  
         But if she loved me, wouldn't she have told me?  
  
         And if I loved her, wouldn't I have told her?  
  
         I hate being confused.  
  
         I think I'm safe. No one will be able to trace me now. Not even Kirara. I sigh and slump against a gigantic sequoia tree. This tree is perfect for hiding and watching out for others. I look up and watch the thundering gray clouds above me still rain their tempest upon the past.  
  
         Upon my torn soul.  
  
         At least this roaring tempest is still hiding away my tears.  
  
  
_// When you walk away  
You're taking the morning from my day  
Show me the pain  
That's inside of you  
I need to understand //_  
  
  
         I remember what has transpired this past week.  
  
         I reconciled with Kikyo. We both finalized our separation with a kiss.  
  
         It wasn't romantic. It wasn't angst-ridden. It was simple, pure, and final.  
  
         Absolutely final.  
  
         She would go to the Underworld, and hand the other half of her soul back to her reincarnation. And she did. She kept her word. I don't remember exactly how I talked her into it, but I ended up saving my love. I finally said goodbye to my past, and said hello to my future.  
  
         This happiness wouldn't be long-lasting. Naraku decided to attack and grab the final shards to the Shikkon no Tama. I had to go play hero. We battled, and causalities occurred.  
  
         First it was with Shippo. Then Miroku. Then Sango. Then even Kirara.  
  
         They all lived. But not my brother.  
  
         Sesshoumaru. One of a kind. A tough, classy son of a bitch till the bittersweet end. Helped save us all, the bastard. He could have been saved if only Naraku would have not shattered his sword. Goddamit, I hate to admit it, I'll miss him...  
  
         ... but not as much as Rin.  
  
  
_// Sixteen years now my thoughts run wild  
How you held me like a child //_  
  
  
         I felt so horrible when I had to see Rin's face. I felt unworthy to even be considered in her innocent glance. She even had to ask me what happened to him. She just had to. She didn't know what happened here. I couldn't tell her everything, she would be traumatized. I have a conscience, dammit.  
  
         I told her softly he went to another place where she couldn't go, but I knew that he wanted her to come.  
  
         I hated myself. I hated her tears. I hated the situation entirely.  
  
         I buried my brother and hid Rin safely away, destined to kill Naraku and avenge my brother.   
  
         I don't know what happened to Rin after I left her because after I defeated Naraku and my goddess renewed the Shikkon no Tama, she was gone without a trace.  
  
         All I wish is that she finds the happiness she had with my brother.  
  
         She's too young to know true sadness.  
  
         I on the other hand already know what it is.  
  
         For I am leaving true happiness and living in true sadness, for good.  
  
         But not my goddess.  
  
         She is leaving true sadness and living in true happiness.  
  
         And I deserve what I get, and she deserves what she gets.  
  
  
_// I'll fight these tears   
But I can't hide the way I feel //_  
  
  
         Dammit, stop crying!  
  
         I don't care anymore! What has happened has happened and nothing can be changed!  
  
         She's gone. I know it. My heart has stopped glowing in the aura of compassion.  
  
         I have none of those feelings anymore. I'm alone for good.  
  
         I snatch the necklace around my neck. My goddess wanted me to make my wish. To be with Kikyo. Dammit, doesn't she know...  
  
         ... no, she doesn't. I never told her the truth. Always have to be silent and confusing the poor girl. She knows her true decision now. To leave for her bright, glorious future.  
  
         Why should she be with me anyhow? I'll always be apart of the past. I'll never be able to run away from it. I'm trapped within it for good.  
  
         For good.  
  
         I've thought those two words a lot today, haven't I?  
  
         Someone's coming. I don't care anymore. I hope whatever comes merely kills me and ends my misery.  
  
         Dammit, I'm sounding suicidal.  
  
  
_// When you find what you want  
Isn't it all you need  
With you wanna run right back to me //_  
  
  
         It's only Kirara. Thank goodness she's not carrying anybody.  
  
         I guess my trail wasn't hidden good enough.  
  
         She's changed into her kitten form, merely landing in my pal and curling up next to my warmth. As if I have an warmth inside my heart. Maybe I do...  
  
         ... highly unlikely.  
  
         Unconsciously I pet her fur, my hair covering her from the tempest surrounding us. I don't know if the others are following her. I don't know if she left them without their consent. She came to comfort me, and I am grateful.  
  
         At least I never took advantage of Kirara's compassion. I did with... her's.  
  
         Dammit, I hurt Kirara. She's really peeved now. I didn't mean for my nails to go out suddenly and scratch her back roughly. It just happened.  
  
         She looked at me with forgiveness. I guess she saw my apology in my eyes.  
  
         Oh great.  
  
         The question comes. I have to ask it. Either that or I'll go crazy.  
  
         As if I'm already not. Feh.  
  
  
_// Those sixteen years  
Don't they mean anything to you  
How can you leave  
There's so much to loose //_  
  
  
         I look into Kirara's eyes, and I question her softly.  
  
         "Is she gone?"  
  
         She doesn't move.  
  
         She looks at me.  
  
         She blinks and her eyes begin to soften.  
  
         That's all it takes until my eyes soften again. Fresh new tears begin to form, in my eyes and her own, the rain pouring harder and harder all around us. Kirara doesn't mind getting wet now. I don't mind either. I'm soggy like a wet dog already.  
  
         Heh. What an irony.  
  
  
_// Oh when you walk away  
You're taking the morning form my day  
Show me the pain that's inside of you //_  
  
  
         So she went through with it. She left. She left without saying goodbye to me.  
  
         I hug Kirara, and I whisper her a message to give to the others.  
  
         And maybe to my goddess.  
  
         I can see her smile, she nods, and hugs my neck with her silky tail. How I will miss her. How I will miss everybody. How I will miss Kirara.  
  
         But I need to be strong.  
  
         I have to be now. I can't stop and cry and moan and groan and kill myself over a girl that left me.  
  
         I cried inside with Kikyo. I cried outside with Kagome.  
  
         I'm not going to cry anymore.  
  
         There's no reason to.  
  
         I hug Kirara one more time, and I wish her goodbye.  
  
         She smiles, changes, and leaves me be. How understanding she is. How she'll always be.  
  
         And the tempest has stopped, just for me.  
  
         It knew it doesn't have anymore tears to hide.  
  
  
_// Time moves on  
And you'll be gone  
And I hold on to the finer things  
I need to keep me strong //_  
  
  
         I wanted to start over. I wanted to create a new life with her. It wasn't ment to be, I guess.  
  
         She left, she's gone, and she has a new life to live. Maybe she'll remember me. Maybe she won't. But I'll remember her. Just like Kikyo. And just like my brother. And just like my mother. And just like my father. And just like Miroku, Sango, Shippo, Kaede... all of them.  
  
         And maybe they'll remember me. Not as some stuck-up hanyou. But as someone... who...  
  
         Who...  
  
         Who just wanted to belong?  
  
         Who wanted to live?  
  
         Who wanted to be free?  
  
         To be accepted and loved and have friends and family?  
  
         I don't know...  
  
         ... but it's not highly unlikely.  
  
  
_// But one sweet day  
We'll put them all away   
I'll hope you know that no one stays the same //_  
  
  
         I'm miles away from the sequoia tree. The sunlight is starting to shine over the horizon. It's beautiful. Breathtaking. Exquisite. All of these words I cannot even fathom.  
  
         And I can't compare them to anyone. Not Kikyo, not Kagome, nobody.  
  
         I have nobody to compare about anymore.  
  
         I'll never be the same. I'm changed for good.  
  
         I'm starting to like those two words.  
  
         I'm a new person with a new soul. Neither a human nor a demon, just a hanyou that will go all around feudal Japan wherever I may roam. Maybe I'll meet Kagome down the line. Maybe I won't. If I live that long. Who cares? I have all the time in the world now.  
  
         I'm free as a bird. The gods know I can't change.  
  
         Besides, I'm a new person. And I like who I am now.  
  
         I won't change for anybody. Not anymore.  
  
  
_// Those sixteen years  
Don't they mean anything to you  
How can you leave  
There's so much to loose //_  
  
  
         I look back as I stand on top of the hill near the mountains that will bring me a new life. In those woods is my past, and with that past is what I leave behind.   
  
         My heritage. My loves. My friends. My family. My everything.  
  
         And with that message I handed to Kirara, it sums up this happily ever after.  
  
         "Sarabada."  
  
         Classy, yes. More along the lines of Sesshoumaru's etiquette.   
  
         But it is the only word that can finalize everything.  
  
         The only word.  
  
         The only way.  
  
         And I wouldn't change it for anything.  
  
  
_// Yeah  
When you walk away  
You're taking the morning from my day  
Show me the pain   
That's inside of you  
I need to understand //_  
  
  
         Crying?  
  
         What?  
  
         I use my senses and I searching behind me. In some bushes the crying becomes louder.  
  
         There. Right there behind the rose bush. I push some of the leaves away, the cuts from the thorns not hurting me a single bit. Who's there?  
  
         Whoa, hold on a second... Rin?  
  
         Is that where she ran off to?  
  
         I whisper her name softly. "Rin?"  
  
         I hear her gasp and she looks up to me, extremely frightened. She whispers as well. "In-- Inuyasha?"  
  
         We speak no more as I pick her up gently from the rose bush, cradling her in my arms. For such a young child and loosing so much, she looks like she wants to die as well. She too deserves a new beginning.  
  
         If Kagome wanted one, why can't I? Why can't Rin?  
  
         As a matter of fact, why can't the others?  
  
         It's not being selfish, it's being fair.  
  
         She's suddering in my arms, crying still and whispering my brother's name. I pat her back as I walk on down the path. Before I do, I pick a rose from the rose bush, one that doesn't have any thorns.   
  
         I whisper again to Rin. "Hey, hey Rin?" She turns her neck around slowly and I show her the rose. "For you." That's all I say. She blinks, takes it carefully from my hands, and whispers, "Arigatou, Inu-chan."  
  
         I blink as well. Did she just call me Inu-chan?  
  
         Smiling, I chuckle and keep walking down the path, leaving the past behind me.  
  
         And I can softly hear Rin laughing with me as well.  
  
  
_// Someday you'll understand  
Yes you will //_  
  
  
         It's a new day. It's a brand new day to begin again.  
  
         Sarabada, Kagome. Kikyo. Everyone. Time to start anew.  
  
         We're really going to get a happily-ever-after... in our own obscure ways.  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
